Compassionate Self-Talk, Coaching Hack
As women, we are socialized to believe our inherent self-worth and value is based on external forces. We constantly live in the liminal space between being too much and not being enough.
We have been taught, both implicitly and explicitly, that the worth of our personhood is based on other people’s criteria.
The negative self-talk tapes that loop on repeat in our heads are not facts. They are subjective thoughts our brains spit out based on the systemic patriarchal socialization we have been immersed in our whole lives.
We believe because we think a thing, it must be true.
But they’re just thoughts. They aren’t facts. And they can be changed at anytime.
Try switching a negative self-thought to something less harmful, a neutral thought that is both believable and true.
A neutral message or thought is that step in between what we are currently thinking and what we would like to be thinking about ourselves.
For example: as you’re watching TV and see a gorgeous, fit actress or model, don’t think to yourself “gosh, I’m disgusting and lazy.” That thought will cause terrible feelings.
Now, you can’t change your thought to “I’m just as fabulous as she is” because, by default of your first thought, this second one would not be believable to your brain.
I can think I’m a fairy princess all day, but I know it’s not believable or true.
But, you could believe “I am a normal, busy woman with a normal, busy woman’s body that comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes because our jobs do NOT pay us to look like that. Lots of normal busy women have bodies that look like this.”
Neutral thoughts are baby steps. An incremental, slightly more positive thought you can still believe and is a truth.
Your thoughts are not facts. Your thoughts are not objective. They can be changed.
And if our thoughts cause our feelings, practicing incremental more positive changes to our thoughts will also impact positive change on how we feel.
Your inherent value and self-worth as a woman, as my coach says, is NOT based on meeting outside criteria.
The criteria is made up, not a real thing, and created to set you up for failure, and keep you in your place.
Change your thought, change your feeling, change your day.
Try some intentional compassionate self-talk just for today.
When you catch yourself looping unkind self-talk, interrupt the loop and think about something small, believable, and true you could think instead. Then check in with how that might change how you feel.
You are the only criteria you need to determine your own value and worth.
Drop in the comments any insights you may have experienced with this exercise! ⤵️
Warmest regards,
~ Charlie
Charlie@charliehornescoaching.com
Master Certified Professional Coach
Specializing in Women’s Transformation and Mindset Work
#chcCoaching #thoughtwork #manageyourbrain
