Navigating Unreasonable Expectations in Male-Dominated Fields: How to Reclaim Control Without Burning Out
#15 - Navigating Unreasonable Expectations in Male-Dominated Fields: How to Reclaim Control Without Burning Out
You know the feeling...
Another demand lands on your desk
Another deadline
Another set of “unspoken rules” or silent expectations
Another, another, another...
And somehow, you’re expected to keep it all together, to meet each of these demands without question. It’s exhausting, and it often feels like no one even sees the weight of what you’re carrying.
Here’s the truth no one talks about:
Unreasonable expectations aren’t just “part of the job.”
They’re a system built to keep you juggling, hustling, and performing on overdrive.
And in male-dominated fields, the pressure to prove yourself can feel relentless.
This week on The Art of Managing Your Brain Podcast, we’re diving deep into these unreasonable expectations—where they come from, why they’re so hard to push back against, and most importantly, how you can handle them with grace without compromising your own well-being.
Here’s a preview of what I cover, plus a few tools you can start using today. You can find these instant access tools below:
Why These Expectations Are So Hard to Shake
First, let’s get real about why setting boundaries around unreasonable expectations is easier said than done.
Our brains are wired to:
Seek acceptance
Avoid conflict
Keep “in the herd”
I have mentioned this before, but this week we go more in depth pertaining to unrealistic expectations - especially at work.
This drive, which once helped keep us safe, can be what fuels our need to say yes to things that drain us, especially in high-stakes environments. But just because your brain wants you to fit in and keep up doesn’t mean you’re stuck in this cycle.
Recognizing this survival mechanism is a huge first step in freeing yourself from it.
Thought Work Insight: Expectations Are Not Facts
This might be one of the most game-changing things you’ll hear today:
expectations are just thoughts—opinions others have about what they’d like from you.
They’re not facts, they’re not rules, and they don’t define your worth.
When you stop treating them as unbreakable rules and start seeing them as other people’s narratives, you get the mental space to choose how you want to respond.
Ask Yourself: “Whose expectation is this, and what’s the real cost to me if I don’t meet it?” Sometimes, when you see these demands for what they are, you can start detaching from them.
A Simple Tool: The 80% Rule
One of the most powerful strategies I teach to clients dealing with overwhelming demands is the 80% rule. Rather than striving for perfection, aim to complete tasks to 80%—the point where you’ve given solid effort but aren’t burning out to reach some unrealistic ideal.
YOU get to decide.
YOU are the professional.
YOU were hired to do a job.
Other people's opinions about how, when, and how long or how much extra effort is none of your business.
If someone is offering constructive feedback or welcomed suggestions - if you so choose - feel free to take that into account.
But you do not need to dance to the drum of others simply because your survival brain makes you uncomfortable.
Your survival brain instinct is wrong on this.
The survival brain instinct is very different from your gut intuition.
Practice identifying how distinct each feel and how to begin to tell them apart.
By practicing the 80% rule, you’re telling yourself that good enough is good enough regardless of the opinions of others who - ultimately - do not matter.
You’re saving your energy and focusing on what truly matters, which is especially crucial in environments where you’re constantly asked to go “above and beyond.”
You need to spend some time contemplating:
Why you are being asked to go above and beyond?
Who is asking it of you?
Where is your need to meet the expectation coming from?
Fear? (of what...)
Approval seeking?
Perfectionism?
Social roles and pressures?
Unhealthy demands of others who truly do not impact your success ultimately?
Then, decide whether or not meeting that expectation - going above and beyond - is truly what you need to do.
A Simple Reframe Tool:
Next time you feel pressured by an expectation, take a quick pause and ask, “Does this align with what really matters to me?”
Notice how this small shift creates a moment of clarity and control.
Your Takeaway: Redefine What Success Looks Like for You
Let this be your reminder that setting boundaries through intentionally limiting your time, resources, and energy, isn’t weakness—it’s strength.
When you set limits, you’re choosing where to invest your energy, how to allocate your time, and align tasks with what you value most.
This week, try applying the 80% and Reframing tools to just one demand or task, and see how it feels. Notice if it frees you up mentally or helps you feel more in control.
What’s Coming Up Next
If this resonates, join me next week as we tackle silencing the inner critic—the voice that tells you you’re not enough, that you need to be perfect to be valuable.
We’ll break down how to quiet this critic and start building real confidence in your work and your decisions.
Keep Building This Momentum:
If you’re ready to explore these topics even further, I’ve got some great resources for you:
Take the “Thought Saboteur” Quiz and discover the mindset pattern keeping you stuck and stressed (free on my site). Start the short quiz here!
Last Week’s Episode: E: 21 Finding Peace Through The Holidays
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Your growth isn’t just about survival—it’s about taking control. I’m here to give you the tools, every step of the way.
Talk soon,
~ C
Dr. Charlie M. Hornes, DMin, BCC, MCPC
Master Certified Executive Coach
Don't forget to watch the latest preview excerpt of Episode 22 here!
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