How to Stop Overthinking: What Your Freeze Response Is Actually Trying to Protect You From
The Hidden Reason You Can’t Stop Replaying Conversation
If you’re lying awake at 2 a.m. replaying the same conversation for the tenth time…
If you find yourself editing what you said, what you should have said, or what you might say next time…
(those annoying “shoulda-coulda-woulda’s” you just can’t SHUT UP!)
That’s not overthinking.
That’s your brain trying to protect you.
And, believe me, boy have I been there (still am some days…)
I get it.
You’re not indecisive.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re just on alert—because your nervous system has learned to scan for danger before it happens.
This is what it looks like when your system says: “Don’t speak until it’s safe. Don’t act until it’s perfect. Don’t move until you know you won’t get it wrong.”
It’s not mindset.
It’s not personality.
It’s survival strategy—
and it’s exhausting.
“You’re not stuck because you’re weak. You’re stuck because your body thinks silence keeps you safe.”
You Don’t Have “Overthinking.”
You Have a Nervous System on Surveillance.
It was 2 a.m. My infant son was up. And so was I…
But I wasn’t just awake. I was running disaster-prevention drills in my head.
Every interaction.
Every phrase.
Every decision I hadn’t made yet—because I didn’t want to get it wrong. Again.
No matter how competent, educated, trained, equipped for my field as an Ordained Minister in my Congregational setting, as the hired, Called, and very talented Pastor - I still couldn’t seem to make the crankiest and nastiest of people happy.
I would get blindsided left and right - like they were hiding in the bushes just waiting for me to walk to my car, alone, in the church parking lot ,, no witnesses and, seemingly out of no where - BLAM-O
Taken out.
Taken out by unsolicited and unwarranted, truly-disproportionate-to-the-circumstances criticism, hostile attack, and aggression started spraying like buck-shot, hoping to take me out.
Targeted at me.
At my person.
Not issues around me.
What, seemingly, was wrong with me.
All of the contradictory gendered expectations I was not living up too… later realizing they were subjective expectations and always moving the goal post of meeting them in the first place.
Not mistakes I made necessarily - that were outside of the person I was…
But my very person that was being criticized.
So yes.. this one night, I couldn’t SHUT UP all of those shoulda-coulda-woulda’s, nor could I put down the proverbial bat I often used by default to beat myself up over the head because I just couldn’t seem to figure out how to make the nastiest of the shadow-campaign-to-oust-me-post-stirrers HAPPY.
And believe me - I tried everything,
NOTHING made them happy.
There was always one more thing - mistake - misstep - misspeak - misinterpretation - misunderstanding - misalignment - never ending mis-erable existence starting to snowball … to the point I started to think I just couldn’t get anything right…
Little did I know - at the time - intentionally or not - I was being groomed, gaslit, and ultimately, tossed over my threshold of the limit to the amount of bullshit I could tolerate red line p into full blown cognitive dissonance.
My insides no longer matched my outsides.
And that is NOT a place you ever want to be.
I couldn’t believe. it.
All that I had worked so hard for.
Failed.
How was it possible?
Me - an Ivy League Master Level made-it-through-all-of-the-bananas-hoops-of-mainline-ordination pretty stinkin’ smart and talented person - Board Certified and Clinically trained Post Grad Chaplain - many more bananas hoops - just couldn’t get it right.
I couldn’t please them.
And, looking back, yes, I was damn good at it all, too.
There is necessity in owning that now.
Because it was the discovery I needed to make - the honest assessment of my meaning and purpose, my telos - that I had done everything I possibly could to make it work and put down the bat of that heavy onus of failure - and that was the result of the years of work I put in to heal from such a difficult time.
I just wish I knew - at the time - is truly had NOTHING to do with me.
Even if it kinda did - it absolutely didn’t.
Because - as creature, not creator - we are allowed to mess up, screw up, make mistakes, especially when we are in our first several years out of school, internships, and are getting the idealism beat out of us by the real world.
And in any mistakes - there was NEVER reason for the level of ugliness and mental, emotional, verbal, psychological, and spiritual abuse I had endured in that decade I spent as a church pastor.
And if you can see any of this kind of dysfunction on the horizon - that storm of burnout barreling straight for you - you need to know it has nothing to do with you either… BUT… you are still ruminating. Aren’t you?
Being told that - if you are anything like I was - changes absolutely nothing.
If you’re honest? You’ve done it too.
We call it “overthinking.” (which is basically a bullshit coach-y term for rumination - which is a much better word)
But what’s really happening is survival math—your brain trying to stay ahead of every possible threat.
The honest breakdown is this - from evidence-based practices:
You’re not indecisive.
You’re not too sensitive.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re not ANY of the things people might be hurling at you - spoiler - to distract you from their bad behavior by you suddenly feeling awful about yourself. It’s called whatabout-ism - and it’s a tactical weapon of dysfunction.
It’s a trap. And it is so easy to fall into. Way too easy.
You’re trying to outmaneuver risk before it touches you.
“You’re not stuck because you’re weak. You’re stuck because your body thinks pausing will keep you safe.”
Why “Mindset” Advice Can’t Fix Burnout-Induced Overthinking
You’ve heard the advice:
| “Just let it go." "Stop spiraling." "Get out of your head.”
If that worked, you wouldn’t still be stuck.
If advice and information made a lot of difference to your survival brain… you wouldn’t need support for burnout prevention and dealing with difficult people and situations.
No “positive thinking” or “growth mindset” is going to help when the potential Cat 5+ hurricane of burnout is heading straight for you - it’s eye trained on your head… because your survival system learned that pausing equals safety.
And it’s been running that protective pause ever since - fight, flight, freeze, fawn - no matter your survival type, all 4 Burnout Survival Archetypes have their own mechanism to give your brain a pause so you can maneuver away from what it is reading as “danger.”
Because somewhere along your own journey, you learned whatever triggers your unique survival type - might( metaphorically - in 2025) eat you. No mantra or affirmation or post-it note is going to override a nervous system on high alert.
How Freeze Response Hijacks Your Voice Without You Realizing
Here’s What’s Really Happening
Your body is scanning for threat before you even speak.
That’s not anxiety. That’s adaptive intelligence.
Your brain pulls up old conflicts. Replays past pain. Imagines every way it could go wrong again.
You’re not broken. You’re buffered.
And while that buffer tries to protect you, it also costs you:
Boundaries swallowed
Opportunities missed
Chronic emotional exhaustion
“Freeze isn’t about fear. It’s about predictive safety. Your system is saying: pause now, survive later.”
The Owl Survival Type: How the Freeze Response Shows Up in Burnout
If what I’m saying hits you in the gut—you might be an Owl.
This isn’t a personality type. It’s a survival instinct.
The Owl is observant. Strategic. Quiet. But stuck in pause when it matters most.
And that’s not your fault. That’s the system doing what it was trained to do.
We weren’t taught how to act without regret. So we plan. Rehearse. Freeze. Ruminate.
Until now.
Know Your Survival Type?
Take the free quiz and get a one-page cheat sheet tailored to your burnout response style—Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn.
Take the Burnout Equation™ Quiz Now →
Still Ruminating? That’s Exactly Why You Need a New Strategy.
You’re not the problem.
You’re operating inside systems that rewarded you for staying quiet, being nice, and pushing through.
Silence got you approval.
Niceness got you included.
Exhaustion got you praised.
But now? It’s costing you.
This is your chance to disrupt the cycle—and lead from somewhere new.
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Author’s Note: From a Woman Who’s Been There
I’m Dr. Charlie M. Hornes, DMin, BCC, MCPC—
I’m a Doctorate-Level Certified Clinical Spiritual Counseling Provider and a Master Certified Thought Work Strategist.
This is the survival map I wish someone handed me the first time I froze - yes, that first time a parishioner yelled at me - in the sanctuary- and couldn’t find my voice.
Now, I hand it to you—because you shouldn’t have to figure it out the hard way.
Download the Burnout Prevention Playbook™ →
FAQ: Questions This Blog Answers
These are real search phrases your brain may already be asking and searching for. Here’s what you need to know:
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“Overthinking” or rumination is often a freeze response in disguise. When your nervous system senses potential threat, it pauses action and floods your brain with analysis. It’s not indecision—it’s a survival pattern trying to keep you safe by reviewing every possible outcome before you move.
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Silence is a protective mechanism, not a lack of confidence. If you’ve learned that speaking up could lead to conflict, disapproval, or rejection, your system may default to freeze. You shut down—not because you’re unsure—but because your body’s been trained to pause under pressure.
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Nighttime overanalysis is your brain’s way of staying on alert. To interrupt it, you need safety-based strategies, not more thinking. This includes grounding your body, naming the pattern, and giving your brain a clear signal that no action is required in that moment.
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Yes—it can be. Overthinking is often linked to chronic hypervigilance or unresolved social or relational trauma. When you’ve been hurt for getting it “wrong,” your nervous system learns to over-prepare. That preparation loop shows up as rumination, self-doubt, and freeze.
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The Owl is one of four Burnout Equation™ archetypes. It represents the Freeze survival pattern—high-functioning on the outside, but constantly replaying, overanalyzing, and pausing under pressure. Owls are observant, thoughtful, and strategic—but often struggle to act.
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Because it is—to your nervous system. Overthinking creates the illusion of control. It says, “If I just analyze it enough, I won’t mess up.” The problem is, it keeps you in pause mode long after the threat is gone, draining your energy and delaying your decisions.
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Burnout isn’t just exhaustion—it’s the slow erosion of your voice, drive, and sense of agency. If you feel like you’re constantly reacting, questioning yourself, or holding your breath for the next thing to go wrong, you may be stuck in a freeze-based burnout cycle.
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Social conditioning plays a massive role. Women are often rewarded for being agreeable, silent, and selfless. Over time, this creates a pattern where conflict, risk, or leadership feel dangerous. The result? A freeze response that looks like overthinking, avoidance, or indecision.
