You don’t have to feel terrible. This BONUS PDF will show you how!
One of the greatest tools I’ve ever learned is how to manage my mind.
You have to learn this.
It will change your life.
I can’t wait to teach this to you so you can Stop Feeling Terrible.
There is a tool called “the LCS Self Coaching Model,” that I am certified to teach. I cannot WAIT to get this in your hands!
GREAT LEARNING BELOW & YOUR BONUS HOW TO FREE PDF! This resource provides step-by-step how to get started feeling better!
The concept is 5 parts and the Model looks like this.
C - Line (Circumstance)
T - Line (Thought)
F - Line (Feeling)
A - Line (Action)
R- Line (Result)
Here’s the basic idea.
You can change your thoughts at any time.
Especially when you are feeling terrible.
Your thoughts are not real. IKR?! 🤯
They are just random words running through your brain. You can change your thoughts at any time once you realize your thoughts are not facts.
What The Model will teach you is often you believe what you think (T-Line) about circumstances (C-Line) happening around you - are factual.
You believe your thoughts are facts.
Especially when they are about you.
MOST especially when they are NEGATIVE, and about you.
But this is not true.
The circumstances happening around you are always neutral. It is your brain that put meaning to circumstances. It is your brain that interprets through your own lived experience and story what you believe that circumstance means about you.
But it is not the circumstances themselves that determine how you feel about them
Everyone has different subjective thoughts about the same circumstance. What some person thinks is funny, another person might think is offensive.
Why?
It happens all the time. You and I may get the same email from our boss, and I interpret it as "I’m screwed up", and you interpret it as the their dry wit, the funniest thing they’ve ever read.
Why?
It’s because we all have a different story to tell and we all have a different lens our brain views the world through.
Circumstances, no matter what they are, are neutral.
So if circumstances are neutral, it is your brain that creates the thought around the circumstance.
What causes your feelings about the circumstance are simply the thoughts your brain randomly generates about it.
The circumstance doesn't cause your feelings or your results.
Your thoughts do.
Here's the good news. You can take control of your SURVIVAL BRAIN by engaging your THINKING BRAIN. Your Pre Frontal Cortex.
This work will teach you how to kickstart it, step-by-step. I have attached a BONUS PDF to help you get started! Keep reading so the bonus makes more sense.
Often, when you don’t like how you feel about those thoughts, you take action. Often that action is a re-action to get rid of the yucky feelings you are having out of your body, which are caused by your thoughts.
You might catch yourself doing bizarro stuff like
shooting off emails and texts you regret
ruminating
messing up your sleep schedule with anxiety and worry
experiencing some emotional dysregulation
seeking false pleasure (buffering)
over eating
over drinking
apathy
loss of purpose
feeling like a failure and relishing being the "victim" of terrible people & circumstances
you feel terrible.
All that yuck!
Stop Feeling Terrible!
The result that you get will come from that re-action that your feelings produce, which ultimately are rooted in your thoughts and produces terrible results for you.
Stay with me here.
Most of us believe our thoughts are facts. Hard and fast facts.
We don’t even question this. So many of us live our entire lives this way. We are convinced that what is going on in our brains is true. It’s not.
Your brains only interpret things through one lens. Survival.
Your brains function from a place we Coaches call the Motivational Triad:
Your brain only wants to do three things.
1. Seek pleasure/safety,
2. Avoid pain/bear-death
3. Expend as a little energy as possible in case you need to run from bear-death.
I can’t tell you how excited I am for you to learn that you can change your thoughts at any time.
…because they’re not real.
And the Model actually WORKS!
And what’s even better is once you learn other people’s thoughts are not real either, because they, too, are seeing circumstances through their own lived story and experience, their own brain’s survival lens, you can suddenly stop taking difficult people, situations, even yourself, so seriously.
YES!
YOU CAN AND YOU WILL!
It automatically starts to happen when you use this work to rewire your brain through neuroplasticity.
It's science, y'all.
This is all backed by evidence from actual brain doctors!
Once I learned that I didn’t have to care about other people’s thoughts - especially their thoughts about me because their thoughts are made up too - I realized there could be no substantial truth to them, and I literally stopped caring what they thought at all.
I started to see my whole life from an entirely different, joyful, buoyant perspective in a way I never had.
Didn’t matter what it was. I just stopped caring and stopped feeling terrible.
Your BRAIN is incredible! And awful. And quick to learn good habits.
It’s quick to rewire neuro pathways to begin to think differently. But if you like too much time go by with high levels of stress and anxiety, it gets harder to rewire your brain.
That’s why learning to manage your mind is urgent.
When you’re doing this work, there’s this moment when somebody says or does something that would typically spin you out but instead, you wanna laugh at the absurdity of it.
You will begin to see it’s not at all about you.
Even if you did mess something up, so what? It doesn’t warrant emotionally dysregulated outbursts from meanies.
For me, learning to manage my mind and implementing The Model in my life every single day has changed the game.
I’m sure you can relate to aggressive people coming at you with small problems packaged in ginormous emotion.
Have you ever noticed yourself falling into “people pleasing” behavior just to stop their attitude?
But, fixing the copy machine or whatever, is not going to solve the problem and often, they are still not pleased, regardless.
So this is where many are getting tripped up.
The circumstance around you is not what it seems.
You will know it when, no matter what you fix or solve, you continue to deal with an unpleased person.
It’s counterintuitive but it’s also the tell.
So that right there tells you that you cannot rely on the presenting circumstance to navigate the root of the conflict or how to FIX IT.
You probably can't.
Often in our society today we never know the real circumstance because often it’s masked. Unpleased people can't speak plainly anymore about what their issue is. Sometimes they don’t know for themselves.
So instead, they yell at you about a coffee machine.
And you end up in cognitive dissonance and having what you think are panic attacks because the dissonance ratio between the aggression coming at you is entirely disproportionate to a broken coffee machine (or fill in the blank presenting C-Line).
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my coffee, and I would be super annoyed if I too came in, and the coffee machine was broken, but I don’t think it warrants yelling at you.
When you can no longer define the root of conflict - which is common in society today because meanies are terrified of getting called out for bad behavior - things get sticky quickly
The only path through is understanding that our brains are generating the thoughts we’re having around whatever said presenting circumstance is.
So, let's move from an EXTERNAL perspective to an INTERNAL perspective.
YOU, after all, are the only thing you have any control over anyway - WHICH IS AMAZING NEWS! YOU CAN DO YOU!
So, ask yourself, what is the first thing you think of about yourself when someone comes at you aggressively.
You probably respond differently to conflict than I do, as we all do, so what is your individual response? What is your thought?
Once you identify the thought that rears its ugly head as soon as aggressive C-Lines are knocking at your door, what feeling (F-Line) does that thought (T-Line) create in you? What (re)action (A-Line) do you suddenly take to lose the yuck? What is your result (R-Line)?
Is that feeling something that is uncomfortable?
Would you identify it as one of your pain points?
Is it reoccuring?
Is it a feeling you’ll do anything to get rid of?
If you’ve experienced something like this, think back to the result you got that came out of this circumstance.
Was it a result that you wanted?
What result would you rather have had?
That is The Model top to bottom. You fill in each line. Identify the C-Line, but you have to identify it based in fact. No emotion or opinion allowed in your identifying it.
For example:
"Larry" came into your office and said words about the coffee maker that was not working.
All of this is true and factual. No emotion or descriptive terms.
That’s the neutral circumstance.
Even if you interpreted the way he said words, as yelling, that is still subjective. Again, what you would identify as “yelling” another person may not.
That’s because we all see the world through different lenses based in our own unique lived story and experiences. It’s kind of like the old rose colored glasses, saying, except entirely backwards, awful, yucky, and upside down.
So the circumstance is only the kind of facts that can be proven in a court of law. That’s it.
Your work is to identify what string of words that circumstance causes your brain to spit out at you.
What words begin to run through your gray matter - which you did not choose to think - like a cattle stampede?
That jumble of words in reaction to the C-Line is the T-Line.
Maybe your thought is something like “Larry is so angry at me, I must’ve really screwed something up” or "I suck."
-nothing against Larrys -
How would that make you feel? I would imagine that would feel awful. It did for me.
Then on top of that, you pile the disproportionate emotional dysregulation of Larry's response to a broken coffee maker, you can easily spin you out into confusion, or ruminating all night long about how you are a “failure at your job” or fill-in-awful-T-Line here.
Then go ahead and fill in yucky F-Line here because it's inevitable now.
How often are you truly kind to yourself with your thoughts in such situations?
How often do you give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
You probably just believe that terrible thought as fact.
Then you feel TERRIBLE.
STOP FEELING TERRIBLE!
What kind of action would you take to stop feeling that way? What kind of action would you take to stop the endless ruminating and self-doubt?
A lot of folks’ default is people pleasing because it only makes sense. You solve what you believe to be a task oriented problem,(broken coffee maker,) and the displeased person will become pleased again. Simple formula, right? You are competent, smart, capable, educated, fantastic at what you do, and a brilliant problem-solver. No biggie.
Fix said coffee maker; go back to feeling great about yourself.
The problem is when you work to solve a problem to appease another, you’re giving away all of your power around your feelings, actions, and the results you will get.
The issue with this is that you’re giving away all of your power around how you feel the action you take and the result you get to another person and it is now dependent on whether they choose to give you their approval and go back to treating you with the human dignity you deserve.
Now the problem here is that you’re giving away all of your power around how you feel, the action you take, and the result you get - to another person, a source outside of yourself you have no control over. Now your entire well-being and feelings of self-worth are entirely dependent upon whether that person is pleased or not.
When this happens, you have given away all of your choice and agency. The entire existence of your purpose and happiness is now in the hands of somebody else. And although we’re supposed to keep our opinions out of this, a potentially emotionally dysregulated person who is yelling at you about a coffee maker. Should you trust your self worth and value to the world in the hands of this person?
But what do I know?
My interest for you is not about Larry,
It is not even the fact that you may have smashed the coffee maker with a bat, or whatever other circumstances are out there you have a part in.
My interest for you is why you are giving away your agency and your power to another human, who is clearly not treating you well in the first place.
Totally counterintuitive, but many of us do this on the regular - without even knowing it.
We are not managing our brains.
In this world, there will always be a Larry yelling about a coffee maker. More often than not, what Larry is really yelling at you about is stuff you can't change. You are a non-male, you remind him of an abusive family member, this is how his family communicates, he thinks he's funny, he was just born a jerk - who knows.
There will be Larry’s and coffee makers, and the emotionally dysregulated constantly swirling around you for the rest of your life. There’s not much you can do about things thinks inherent to your person in the 24 hours Larry expects the coffee maker to be fixed.
My interest for you is you keeping your agency, your power, your choices, and you’re understanding of your self-worth and value in your own hands.
Don’t hand these incredible gifts of you that you have in abundance. over to Larry. He will not tend to them. He will not care for them.he will not nurture them. They will shrivel and die. You will have no way to salvage them for yourself.
Hold onto this part of yourself tightly like your life depended on it. Protect it, as if it were a baby bird in your care.
Do not trust Larry with it.
Here’s a thing.
It’s not Larry and the coffee pot that is causing your thoughts. It’s your brain.
Your brain is making them up as it goes, these thoughts are not real and they’re not facts.
You can change them.
And you can change them at any time.
You can say "Hey, thanks survival brain for alerting me you believe we are about to get kicked out of the herd and eaten by a bear BUT, and I know it feels yucky, but we are actually safe from bears. No need to freak out. But I appreciate how much you love me and want me to not die. I'll take it from here."
This takes a lot of practice and sadly you will be given a lot of opportunity to practice learning to manage your mind in your life.
But by practicing every day, you will not only get better at brain management but you will strengthen your grasp on your own agency around your own life. You will get stronger. You will grow thicker boundaries around your agency and your self-worth. Your confidence, your self esteem, and your emotional maturity and intelligence.
And things may not work out with Larry, and that’s OK. That honestly may not be a good environment for you to be in, in the first place if this is how you are treated.
This will give you time to plan your exit or counter strategy rather than put yourself and livelihood or relationships in jeopardy by taking knee-jerk re-actions. The results to follow will be terrible.
You will then feel terrible.
STOP FEELING TERRIBLE
So, if you choose to leave the environment or set the healthy boundary (I will discuss what a real boundary is next week because most have no actual idea what boundaries truly are), then you can leave that environment or situation without taking post traumatic vocational/relational stress disorder with you.
THIS IS HUGE!
Instead, you might be laughing out the door at the absurdity of Larry and his coffee pot. I mean, who does that?
I’m attaching a free bonus that explains more about the “LCS Self Coaching Model" that changed my life. I am confident it will change yours too.
Remember. Everything stems from your thoughts. When you learn to manage your brain - the pesky little thing that loves to invent gotcha words, and throw them at you as if it were fact - the more contentment we can find in this world regardless of what other people's unmanaged brains are doing around you.
Who cares!They have no idea their thoughts are made up so they act as if they are entirely right. HA! 😆
After doing this work for a while, you will suddenly find yourself changed.
The things that used to cause you so much pain and preventable suffering begin to fizzle away into nothingness. Like the steam that drifts up from a hot stone after being doused with cold water.
It evaporates right before your eyes and your joy and worth remain intact.
You will reclaim that joy with humor. You will once again have the power of choice over your feelings and results, rather than seeking external approval in order for you to feel good about yourself.
Don't do that. That's just batsh*t bananas.
Doesn’t it sound better to feel good about yourself all the time regardless of what people say and do around you?
Regardless of what nuclear level of tantrum or tyrant tirade they choose to throw at you?
To maintain your confidence and calm in the face of that kind of absurdity - it’s entirely possible. You can do it. These are the results you can have if you do this work. I promise.
So I really hope you start to look into this work, practice and apply it to your specific circumstances that you may find yourself struggling with. Give this a real try this week.
Put some elbow grease into it, my friend.
I would love to tell you that someone will hold Larry accountable for his bad behavior.
I would love to tell you that Larry will feel bad, feel guilty, someone will reprimand him, or he will suddenly grow an extra appendage of kindness.
I would love to tell you justice will be served.
But you know that’s not gonna happen. So you can wait around for Larry to get a clue, which he won’t, or you can take back your agency and be back in control of how you feel. You can begin to get the results you have always imagined for your future self in those wildest of dreams of yours, MICHELE.
Because I wouldn’t trust Larry with your feelings as far as I could dropkick him
You are too precious, too talented, and amazing to be left in Larry’s hands.
So please don’t do that to my new friend.
Let me know if you want to learn more about this. You can easily work on this with your own practice, and in my Coaching practice I teach Self-Coaching so you can coach yourself out in the world rather than relying on other people's approval, but it’s so much more efficient and effective to work with somebody along the early journey who can show you step-by-step how to do this successfully. And so much faster.
If you want to talk about this once you complete the BONUS resource, you can grab a FREE mini session with me anytime if you would like to chat about your particular circumstances and how to start using this work. All difficult-seeming circumstances are different, but I guarantee you the solutions are the same.
You can use this scheduling link!
https://charliehornescoaching.com/scheduling
So go out into this world as your beautiful self, and try giving work a shot.
Your clue is your feelings.
When you start to feel yucky vibrations in your body, that is an automatic response to what you’re thinking.
Those yucky feelings are actually helpful in the beginning. They are your signal that you’re having a thought that immediately needs to change.
Identify the thought, and you will connect it back to the feeling.
Before you take any action to get rid of the yucky feeling, first identify the thought.
Then ask yourself, what would you rather be feeling?
The next question would be what do you need to think to feel that way instead?
Then change it.
Change the thought.
Change the feeling.
Which changes your actions and results.
It really is that simple. It’s not easy, but it is simple.
I wish you tons of luck this week practicing and feel free to shoot me any feedback on this work or schedule time to talk about your specific story.
I would love to hear how it’s going for you or help and support you in any way.
I know you’re going to be amazing at it. You already are amazing, just as you are.
It's free. ENJOY!
Talk to you next time & stay tuned for more Studio Hacks!
~C
HERE'S YOUR BONUS PDF! Just tell us where to send it.
Click the link:
